


when Death falls in love

by aliaaaaaa



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Angel of Death AU, Fluff, M/M, Protective Snafu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 04:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7921066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliaaaaaa/pseuds/aliaaaaaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>You and I know that Deaths don't love.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	when Death falls in love

**Author's Note:**

> Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I’m not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is, honey, there’s no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived a life at all. But you have to try, cause if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived. 
> 
>  — William Parish, Meet Joe Black.

Snafu only learned about heart murmur when he was assigned to follow Eugene Sledge around.

(“He has heart murmur,” Archangel Speirs had said. “Won’t take long before he expires.”

“Heart murmur?” Snafu asked dumbly because even though he was created a thousand year ago, fashioned from burning blue fire and gray smokey ashes, with big eyes that emitted a soft blue glow that could see through the soul; all of the saints and sinners’ twisted desires and hungers, there were things that he still had no knowledge about.

Speirs faced him, lifted his hand and ran his nimble fingers through Snafu’s curly hair almost fondly, even though his face was devoid of any emotions. “Sometimes I forget that you’re still so young.” Speirs murmured then signaled Snafu to follow him.

Snafu obediently followed the Archangel even though he was feeling a bit miffed.

“I’m _not_ young,” he replied sulkily and it was true, he had been Angel of Death since he was created and he knew Speirs knew he was good at it.

There was a shadow of a smile on Speirs’ face, but it was gone before Snafu could memorize it. “You are still young compared to the others. But you are also good at what you do and I want you to be the best,” Speirs acclaimed. The compliment should have appeased Snafu, but it only made him feel inferior about his ability to carry this task when Speirs didn’t explain to him about Eugene Sledge’s condition.

“Do your best.”

It was the only thing that Speirs had said to him before he was cloaked by black smoke that brought him to earth.)

He learned that heart murmur was when your heart skip a beat, your breathing got erratic and you didn’t have enough air. It was like drowning in the water.

He understood that having heart murmur meant Eugene Sledge was forbidden by his mother to play outside for too long; she preferred his son to spend the days indoor, reading his thick books even when the sun was shining brightly; filtering in through the gauzy curtains, the light bouncing on Eugene Sledge’s auburn hair, creating a halo.

He also understood that Eugene Sledge’s father, Edward Sledge Sr., encouraged his son to go outside even when his wife protested loudly.

(“You need to have faith in that boy, Mary Frank. He is already 17 years old! He needs to explore and learn about the world. He needs to let his heart grow.”)

Snafu understood even more that having heart murmur didn’t stop Eugene Sledge from enjoying life; fishing in the small creeks behind the Sledge Estate and hunting birds in the woods with his father. He understood that Eugene Sledge wasn’t a quitter; that he was a fighter even when there were nights he woke up gasping for air, clutching at his chest as he counted his heartbeats.

(Snafu hovered behind Eugene Sledge, hesitating to take him away.)

_Hesitation_.

That was another thing that he had learned after he met Eugene Sledge. He never hesitated with his previous tasks; he performed them perfectly and swiftly. He didn’t take his time to take the souls away. He sure didn’t linger and hesitate.

But with Eugene Sledge, he hesitated.

Maybe it was due to the firm lines around Eugene Sledge’s mouth as he reached for his pills by the bedside table, swallowing them dry as he took a deep breath; murmuring prayers for God to hear.

Or maybe it was the way Edward Sledge Sr. frantically coached his son to breathe when Eugene Sledge had his episode in the middle of the woods; with a gun slinging around his shoulder, his palm pressing on his son skinny ribs.

(“You gonna be okay, Eugene. Just like I taught you, son. Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.”)

Or maybe it was the smile etched on Eugene Sledge’s face when he woke up every morning, thankful that he was given another chance to bask in the sunlight, to let the wind caressed his face, to listen to the birds chattering as he walked to the small stream, a fishing rod perched on his shoulder. Or maybe it was the cheerful tone he had used to greet his best friend, Sidney Phillips as he waited for him by the road junction; perched on his bicycle, a blinding wide smile lighted up his face.

He slowly learned to hover closer to Eugene Sledge as he listened to the auburn-haired boy telling his parents about what he did with Sidney Phillips that day, as if he wasn’t there to witness Eugene Sledge and Sidney Phillips exploring the small hill; whooping loudly when they found wildflowers.

(“I’m gonna take these,” Sidney Phillips had said, plucking purple and pink wildflowers with his fingers and keeping them firmly inside his book. “And make flowers press for Mary Houston.”

Eugene Sledge just grinned teasingly, murmuring “Sappy old greaser” to the flush-faced Sidney Phillips.

They then laid down on the ground and looked at the blue skies. Snafu hovering above Eugene Sledge, so close that he could see the speck of green in Eugene’s brown eyes.)

Snafu slowly learned to understand that he liked seeing Eugene Sledge when he was happy.

It was interestingly _odd_.

Snafu slowly learned to understand that his hesitation was because he wanted Eugene Sledge to live a bit longer.

Even if it meant that Snafu wouldn’t be carrying out his duty as Angel of Death. Even if it meant that Archangel Speirs would be disappointed with him.

He wanted Eugene Sledge to live longer.

Because Snafu admired Eugene Sledge’s fighting spirit. Because Eugene Sledge tried very hard to get better instead of succumbing to the illness. Because Eugene Sledge had the brightest smile that Snafu had ever seen. And Snafu wanted to look at that smile always; to let it light up the world all the way to heaven upwards.

So Snafu stayed on, hovering behind Eugene Sledge like a ghost with no purpose. Except he had a purpose and that was keeping Eugene Sledge alive and well.

Even if it meant fighting off the other Angels of Death who tried to take Eugene Sledge’s soul away.

The first time it happened, Eugene Sledge just turned 18. A whole year had passed after his deathline. He was down at the river, pinching the squiggly worm into the sharp hook; Snafu sitting down on the slippery rock, watching Eugene Sledge’s serene face; studying how his brown eyes turned into blazing auburn in the sunlight, as Eugene Sledge searched for a good spot to fish as he half-walked, half-crouched into the crystal clear water.

Snafu looked away for one second, distracted by a shiny thing in the water and when he turned around he saw a hooded figure hovering behind Eugene Sledge, its talons extending towards Sledge’s shoulders to grab him.

Snafu charged forward; screeching _“PECK!”_ at the top of his lungs as he pushed Peck away from the oblivious Eugene Sledge. They rolled on the hard ground, snarling and cutting the air with their sharp talons. Snafu had the upper hand, his talons wrapped around Peck’s neck, pricking the skin until black blood bubbled out from the wound.

“You don’t touch him ever!” Snafu snarled down on Peck’s face, ignoring the smoke coming off from his skin as Peck’s blood burned him. “Tell the others that you don’t ever touch Eugene Sledge. He is mine to take and I will _take_ him myself when it’s time.”

Peck wrapped his fingers around Snafu’s arm, baring his sharp teeth as he pulled Snafu closer to him. “You can’t protect him forever. One of us is bound to take him away.”

Snafu tightened his hold on Peck’s neck, hissing loudly when more blood dripped down his hand. He wanted to kill Peck, he really did but when he dug his talons in for the kill, Peck disappeared in a cloud of black smoke, leaving him in a fit of coughing.

When he settled down, when his talons changed back to normal hands, he looked at Eugene Sledge; standing in the river, holding the fishing rod as he hummed to himself.

Oblivious to the world.

After that, the other Angel of Death tried to take Eugene Sledge away.

He had to fight more than 6 Deaths. His skin kept burning from the black blood, but the scars on his once smooth skin was just a minor sacrifice as long as Eugene Sledge was safe.

Then Hamm visited him.

Hamm with his cherubic face and blond hair and eyelashes. His big, innocent eyes that observed everything.

“Snafu,” Hamm greeted as he watched Eugene Sledge study for his biology paper.

Snafu didn’t reply, his focus was solely on Eugene Sledge. He felt the bed dipped as Hamm sat next to him, swinging his legs back and forth like a child.

“Speirs is furious at you,” Hamm said, his eyes focusing on Eugene Sledge’s hair.

Snafu didn’t have a beating heart, but something in his chest felt tight upon hearing the words. But outside he kept a calm facade (a trait he had learned from Archangel Speirs).

“He told you?”

“Nah, he didn’t _exactly_ say it but he didn’t stop the others from coming to get this guy either,” Hamm answered, tilting his head towards Eugene Sledge.

Snafu grunted, a small sound of understanding about Speirs’ behavior; the Archangel didn’t believe he could carry out the task.

Hamm tilted his head to the left, still studying Eugene Sledge with his big innocent eyes.

“What do you see in him, Snafu?” Hamm wondered quietly, his halo shimmering white in the bright sunlight that filtered through the window.

“He’s a fighter,” Snafu answered promptly, without missing a single beat.

“Fighter, huh?”

“Didn’t quit tryin to live his life even with his limit. I think I oughta give him a chance to live his life to the fullest,” Snafu continued, his eyes zeroed in on Eugene Sledge, liking the way his forehead creased when he stumbled on something he didn’t understand and then the lines smoothed out when he found the answer he was looking for.

“I didn’t know Death can feel compassion towards the living,” Hamm stated, his voice dubiously innocent that Snafu narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously.

“We _don’t_.”

“So you love him then?” Hamm asked, batting his blond eyelashes at Snafu.

Snafu snorted loudly and Eugene Sledge turned around to check his surrounding, as if he had heard the noise too.

“You and I know that Deaths don’t love, Hamm. Not like you Cupids.”

Hamm gave Snafu a small smile. “I don’t know, Snaf. It feels like you love him when you are so hellbent about protecting him like this.”

Snafu sighed at Hamm’s too hopeful and optimistic tone, annoyed that this conversation took a turn that even he didn’t want to dwell on for too long.

“Why are you really here? Did Speirs send you to drag me home?” Snafu asked, flicking Hamm’s halo and watched the dust shimmered and scattered around Eugene Sledge’s tidy bed.

“Nawh, Burgie sent me to tell you to, 1. Do your job please Snafu for the love of God, 2. Take care of yourself. Don’t get hurt too much from fighting the others,” Hamm dutily rattled off Burgie’s instructions to Snafu.

Snafu grinned because even though he knew that Burgie was definitely angry at him for abandoning his task, he knew Burgie worry.

Maybe Deaths knew how to love after all.

And maybe he did begin to feel something towards Eugene Sledge; something that was not quite love because Snafu didn’t know how to love.

But it was _something._

He knew it was something when the next time Death tried to take Eugene Sledge away, Snafu materialized in front of him.

It happened when Death (he suspected Peck) revved a car towards Eugene Sledge’s direction when he was riding his bicycle to college. Snafu didn’t have a choice but to pull Eugene Sledge out of harm’s way. His hands grabbed hold of Eugene Sledge’s shoulders and pulled him into a firm hug as he rolled Eugene Sledge into safety, which was the hard ground covered by patchy grass. The bicycle slipped underneath the car and there was an ugly sound of metal crashing against metal as the car skidded into a ditch.

He didn’t know what happened but when he heard Eugene Sledge’s strained voice whispering _“Jesus. That was–that was so close–Oh God. Oh Jesus Christ. You saved me.”_ he looked at Eugene Sledge’s face and the auburn-haired boy is already looking at him; his brown eyes shone brightly and Snafu realized he was still holding Eugene Sledge in his arms.

“Jesus Christ. I’d be dead if it weren’t for you.”

Snafu, still holding Eugene Sledge in a tight embrace, asked quietly, “You… Can see me?”

Eugene Sledge gaped at Snafu, his eyes still bright but now with concealed humor. “Am I not supposed to see you?”

Snafu bit down a yes as he gaped at Eugene Sledge. Too stunned to assess the situation. He rolled away, releasing the auburn-haired boy from his tight hold, still feeling confused as to why this mortal could see him.

“Hey, you okay? Are you hurt? _Jesus!_ Of course you’re not okay! You came out of nowhere to save me! Oh God,” Eugene Sledge babbled, his hand hovering close to Snafu, trembling from the aftermath.

Snafu looked at the outstretched hand, noted the tiny freckles dotted on the arms from spending too much time in the sun. He glanced up to look at Eugene Sledge’s face, his usually smiling mouth now turned downwards; his forehead creased with worries.

_Eugene Sledge was worried about him._

Snafu did the only thing he could think of; he left Eugene Sledge by the roadside in a hurry.

Snafu hastily stood up and turned around, ignoring Eugene Sledge’s sharp _“Hey wait!”_ as he ran as fast as he could, his non-beating heart telling him to stop and turn around and take care of Eugene Sledge but his body won’t listen.

He ran until he was sure that Eugene Sledge couldn’t see him anymore, realizing belatedly that he ran into the woods; the one place that Eugene Sledge always went to whenever he needed time alone.

Snafu slid down to rest against the old tree bark, the one that he’d seen Eugene Sledge use to rest his heavy head when the world was asking too much from him. Angels never felt tired because they were not mortal but in that moment Snafu felt his body slumped forward in exhaustion.

“Burgie,” Snafu called out softly, and a small figure materialized in front of him almost immediately as if he was waiting for Snafu; his electric blue eyes clouded with disapproving when he looked at Snafu.

“You’re living up to your name quite tremendously,” Burgie said as a way of greeting. The Second in Command Angel of Death sat down next to Snafu, knocking their shoulders together when he saw Snafu’s long face.

“It’s not that bad,” Burgie assured his young companion.

“What happened to me back there?” Snafu asked, his voice low and quiet, still feeling lost and confused.

Burgie leaned back against the old bark and exhaled loudly. “What do you mean what happened? You _know_ what will happen when you touch a mortal.”

“They die. But he _didn’t_ die, he could see me. He could feel me. As if I am a mortal,” Snafu whispered the last word, fear gripping his throat at the thought of being casted off by Speirs.

Burgie clasped Snafu’s shoulder tightly. “You’re still Angel of Death. You don’t have to worry about that, Snaf.”

“Then what the hell happened with Eugene Sledge?” Snafu asked, his voice raising in frustration.

“Calm down,” Burgie chided again. He took a deep breath and began to explain. “When Death touches a mortal, it is usually with the intention of taking his soul away, yes?”

Snafu nodded.

“You are Death,” Burgie continued, pointing his sharp fingers at Snafu’s shoulder. “Yet, in that moment your intention was _unusual_.”

Snafu was quiet, still trying to understand what Burgie was trying to tell him.

Burgie sighed.

“I know you’re not stupid, Snaf. You think you are but I know you are not.”

Snafu glanced at Burgie, biting the inside of his cheek before he spoke.

“I was–I was trying to protect him. I wanted him safe when I touched him,” Snafu murmured and Burgie nodded, encouraging him to go on. “That’s why he can see me, because I’ve touched him but because my intention was to care for him, he didn’t die.”

Burgie offered him a small smile and cuffed the back of his head firmly.

“I knew you weren’t going to be the usual Death type when Speirs gathered the water from the Mississippi River. The Souls told us that the water was infused with Old Magick, and various offering for the Pagan Gods. I just didn’t think you’d be _this_ different.”

Snafu chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully.

“Is that a bad thing?” He asked, and Burgie glanced at him; a wave of nostalgia crashing into him as he remembered the first few months Snafu was created, how young and inexperienced he had looked back then. And here they were, a thousand years later and the shadow of doubt once again clouded Snafu’s blue eyes.

“It’s never a bad thing to have a caring soul,” Burgie assured him, gripping Snafu’s shoulder in comforting manner.

“I don’t have a soul, you know this,” Snafu replied exasperatedly.

“Of course you do! We all do! It’s just a matter of you wanting to use it or not. Hell! Even Speirs did something like this when he was young!”

“Archangel Speirs saved a mortal?” Snafu asked dubiously, his blue eyes lighted up with curiosity.

Burgie stood up all of the sudden, as if he was being jolted by an invisible force. “That’s really not my story to tell but Snafu, what you did was unusual. It wasn’t bad or wrong. Just unusual.”

“You leavin’ now?”

Burgie turned to look at his young friend and smiled. “If you wanna protect him, then do a good job. I’ll be here when you need me.”

“Burgie! Wait!”

But before Snafu could ask him what should he do now that Eugene Sledge can see him, Burgie was already cloaked in a cloud of black smoke and all that was left was the sound of the birds chirping and a very lost Snafu.

Of course Snafu went back to Eugene Sledge’s place.

No matter how much he wanted to abandon his newfound duty of protecting Eugene Sledge and hide away, he couldn’t turn his back now. He didn’t want to be a coward and he sure as Hell wasn’t someone who did something halfway.

He creeped into the Sledge Estate compound, wary about how this would turn out because the whole being an invisible protector for the auburn-haired boy around would be a challenge now that Eugene Sledge could see him.

He didn’t get far into the wide compound when he saw Eugene Sledge sitting under his favorite tree, quietly reading a book. Scratch that, _trying_ to read a book because once in a while he would lift his face to watch the pathway, as if he was waiting for someone. Eugene Sledge’s face lit up when he saw Snafu trudging down the pathway, and something in Snafu’s chest burned pleasantly when he saw the wide smile being directed to him.

“Hey! You came! Did the police tell you that I was looking for you?” Eugene Sledge stood up, abandoning his book and from the spine. Snafu saw that it was Kipling’s and he remembered a heavy moustache-man sitting in the Golden Garden, being surrounded by the Young Souls as he told them stories for their eager ears.

Snafu stopped a few yards from Eugene Sledge, his belly twisted in a knot as he came closer to where he stood.

“You left so fast! I didn’t even get to thank you properly!” Eugene Sledge said good naturedly, his hand grabbing Snafu’s in a tight grip, holding it firmly as they walked together towards the front door.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Snafu protested but Eugene Sledge, in his haste to introduce his savior to his parents, ignored Snafu’s words as he dragged him into the house.

“Father! Mother! This is the person that I talked about! The one that saved me from the accident!” Eugene Sledge shouted as they entered the house and Snafu could see Mary Frank and Edward Sledge Sr. in the dining room, looking at their son with twin worried expressions etched on their faces.

“Eugene? Are you feeling alright?” Mary Frank asked, making her way to her son as Edward Sledge Sr. looked on with concern.

“I’m feeling well because the man who saved me is here!”

Mary Frank’s eyes glided over where Snafu was standing next to her son. “Eugene, I see no one except you.”

Snafu’s eyes flitted to Eugene Sledge and he noticed the frozen smile on his face and he looked at Edward Sledge Sr. coming over to where they were standing.

“Son? Are you sure you are okay?” Edward Sledge Sr. asked.

“I am fine! It’s just–” Eugene Sledge looked at his parents and then at the man standing next to him. “You can’t see him?”

Mary Frank sighed audibly as she gently guided her son towards his bedroom. “I think you need to lie down. You must have been experiencing some sort of trauma after the accident. Don’t move even an inch, please. Just rest, Eugene.”

“But I’m fine!” Eugene Sledge protested loudly even when the door was being shut on his face, leaving Snafu to stand awkwardly with a very confused Eugene Sledge.

“What in God’s name is happening? Why are they ignoring you?”

“They can’t see me,” Snafu bluttered out, his blue eyes looking at Eugene Sledge’s disgruntled face.

“What?” Eugene Sledge turned to look at him, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Snafu licked his lower lip and started to explain. “You’re the only one who can see me.”

Eugene Sledge shook his head, huffing out a short laugh. “What? You’re telling me you’re a ghost?” He poked Snafu’s chest with his long fingers. “You feel solid to me.”

“I’m not a ghost, Eugene Sledge,” Snafu replied tiredly and he didn’t know why he was feeling all of these mortal’s emotions all of the sudden. He needed to ask Burgie if this was one of the side-effects after touching a human being.

“Oh my God!” Eugene Sledge gasped suddenly, his hands flailing around as he looked at Snafu. _“You’re my guardian angel!”_

_“No!”_ Snafu denied vehemently.

“Yes!” Eugene Sledge countered back, his eyes shining with mirth as if he was finding this situation bizarre and funny. “God must have sent you to take care of me! That’s why you came out of nowhere and saved me from that accident!”

“Eugene Sledge–” Snafu started to talk, wanting to explain to this boy that he was not a guardian angel only for him to be cut off by Eugene.

“Please just call me Eugene,” Eugene Sledge insisted, offering Snafu a small smile.

“Eugene?”

“Or Gene if you want.”

“Eugene…” Snafu said the name, rolled it around his tongue, tasting the weight of the name in his mouth as Eugene looked on, his eyes studying Snafu.

“Does my guardian angel have a name?” Eugene asked teasingly, still grinning like this was funny.

Snafu sighed and rubbed his eye with the heel of his palm. “I’m not a guardian angel, Eugene.”

“Well, you’re not a ghost. So, you’re a guardian angel then,” Eugene insisted again. “Wait, how long have you been following me around to protect me?”

Snafu leveled a look at Eugene, debating whether he should be truthful or not. “Been following you long enough to know that you should take care of your heart and maybe not go anywhere alone just in case something happens. And stop eating those damn chocolates that you keep behind your drawers. And stop filling your pill cases with candies.”

Eugene just looked at Snafu, his mouth fell opened in a fraction, surprised that this man, this stranger knew things that even Sidney knew nothing about.

“Jesus Christ,” Eugene whispered, his eyes locking with Snafu. “Who are you? Are you really an angel?”

“I am not a guardian angel,” Snafu insisted but Eugene ignored him as he sunk on his perfectly made bed heavily.

“I thought you were just pulling my leg–,” Eugene confessed, looking lost again.

“Ain’t no one pulling your leg, Eugene. I am an angel and you’re the only one who could see me,” Snafu explained. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell Eugene that he was Death. Perhaps it was the look of terror on Eugene’s face when he did realize that Snafu was an angel. Telling Eugene that he was Angel of Death probably wouldn’t do any good to his already weak heart.

“What’s your name?” Eugene asked after he was silent for a while.

“Snafu,” he answered quietly and Eugene bounced over and stepped closer to Snafu; his hand hovering over Snafu’s face.

“May I?” Eugene asked, but he didn’t wait for an answer when he started to glide his fingers over Snafu’s face, fingertips pressing gently on Snafu’s smooth forehead, trailing down to the bridge of Snafu’s nose and Snafu closed his eyes when he felt a slight pressure on the soft skin underneath his left eye.

Snafu could feel the coarse pads of Eugene’s fingertips, the callouses that marred the once smooth skin and it made him shiver, goosebumps broke out on his skin as Eugene glided his fingertips easily over his cheek and traced his jawline. It was a foreign feeling for Snafu: to let a mortal touch him like this. And Eugene Sledge’s touch was warm, leaving soft trails that sparked with amber in their wakes.

“You feel cool to the touch,” Eugene said finally after he was satisfied. Snafu could only watch Eugene watching him; his forehead creasing, trying to find an answer regarding Snafu.

“I can’t believe that you’re an angel,” Eugene murmured, still trying to take everything in. “I mean–this is not a dream right? I am not in a coma, right? I’m really touching a holy being and all I could think of right now is that you look and feel like a human being.”

Snafu offered Eugene a small smile, assuring him that, “You’re not in a coma, Eugene. _This is real._ I am real and this isn’t my actual form but when we are among mortals, we try to blend in.”

Snafu took a step away from Eugene’s hand as he explained this.

Eugene took a step closer to Snafu, his hand still trying to reach out to touch. “You try to blend in even when we can’t see you?”

“There are those who could see us. Those with pure souls. Children mostly. We try not to scare them, thus this form,” Snafu explained, shrugging his shoulder lightly.

Eugene titled his head towards Snafu, his eyes turning soft. “Are you saying that I have a pure soul then? That’s the reason why I could see you?”

“The reason that you could see me was because I accidentally touched you.”

“Oh.”

He felt bad when he saw Eugene’s crestfallen face and he didn’t like the heavy feeling settling in his chest. “But Eugene,” Snafu said, and Eugene looked at him. “You do have a pure soul. That’s why I’m here to protect you.”

Snafu didn’t know why he kept experiencing all of these mortal’s feelings,but right now–with seeing Eugene’s lopsided smile being directed at him–he welcomed the warm fluttering feeling in his chest, silently promising himself that he would do a better job to protect this boy.

*

Being with Eugene like this, following him around and actually interacting with him, woke something in Snafu.

He kept feeling emotions that he had never experienced before and it baffled him because these emotions came on to him so strongly that sometimes he had to double over from the intensity.

He learned to experience joy when Eugene looked at his way, his brown eyes turning dark amber in the sunlight; smiling softly as if he still couldn’t believe that Snafu existed to protect him. That soft smile paired with those eyes never failed to make the fluttering in Snafu’s chest swoop down to his belly and Snafu realized that he was _happy_.

Snafu learned for the first time what it felt like to be scared when Eugene had his attack one night. He woke up gasping for air, trying to breath but failing. Snafu had swooped in so fast, cradling Eugene head on his chest, coaching him to breath as his fingers fumbled with the pill cases.

“Eugene, come on. You need–shit–you need to swallow this pill. It will ease the attack. Please. _Please_.”

Eugene ended up sleeping with Snafu’s arms surrounding him; every so often he would check the rhythmic rise and fall of Eugene’s chest; afraid that Eugene would stop breathing and it was such a ridiculous thought because he would fight whichever Angel of Death that came in to take Eugene away; but he couldn’t help but feel _scared_ that Eugene would leave him.

(“What is happening to me?” He asked Burgie one night when Eugene was already asleep, exhausted from attending his classes with Snafu sitting next to him; poking Eugene in the shoulder when he saw the auburn-haired boy getting distracted by the good weather outside.

“What do you mean?”

“Burgie,” Snafu started, sounding exasperated as he watched Burgie walking around Eugene’s room, poking at the strange thing that Eugene had used to watch birds in the woods. “I’ve been having all of these emotions that I shouldn’t be feeling.”

Burgie looked at him then, his electric blue eyes blazing with something akin to alarmed.

“What kind of feelings?”

Snafu avoided Burgie’s questioning look, his eyes landed on Eugene’s sleeping form instead; noting the way his lips fell open in a pout.

_So pure._

“I feel–,” Snafu started hesitantly, “I feel like my chest was being weighed down by millions of butterflies fluttering in me when I look at him. I feel some kind of a painful tug in my belly when he is upset about something.”

He lifted his face to look at Burgie. “Why am I experiencing all of these, Burgie?”

Burgie took a deep breath, and he realized he’d been doing that more lately when it came to Snafu. “When you touched him, a part of him went into you. Usually mortals would just die, but your intention is to protect him. That’s why that part of him, that human emotion part of him lingers in you.”

“Will it go away?” Snafu asked quietly when Eugene shifted in his sleep, his arm reaching out towards Snafu, and he took it in his hand and clasped it in his, running his fingers on Eugene’s knuckles; ignoring the way Burgie’s stare burned a hole at the back of his head.

“No… Not until you take him away with you.”)

“Hey,” Eugene greeted, placing a tray ladened with egg sandwich and milk on the table.

“Why don’t you ever sit with your classmates?” Snafu asked because after a year of following Eugene, Snafu realized that this boy didn’t have many friends except for Sidney Phillips. Sometime he hung out with Robert Oswalt and Bill Leyden from Nature Conservancy Club but outside of that, Eugene didn’t have any more friends.

“I don’t make friends easily,” Eugene answered, chewing his egg sandwich lightly. “Back in elementary school, some of my classmates would bully me. Made me do their homework or they would steal my lunch money. I guess, I don’t trust people easily now.”

Snafu felt something hot swarming his chest and he wanted to go back in time to hurt those people that hurt Eugene.

“You okay?” Eugene asked, noticing Snafu’s sullen quietness.

“I’m sorry I was not there to protect you,” Snafu answered, low and dangerous as if he was holding himself from destroying something.

Eugene looked around to check whether there were people near them. When he was sure that they were far enough from the other students, Eugene grabbed Snafu’s forearm, felt the coolness of Snafu’s skin on his warm skin.

“Hey, it’s okay. That was years ago, Snaf. I’m alright now. I have you to protect me.”

That there –that soft hopeful tone that Eugene always used whenever he talked about Snafu protecting him– that made Snafu’s unbeating heart skipped a beat, made him snapped out of his anger, made him want to grab Eugene’s hand and pull him closer and kiss him hard and–

“God,” Snafu hissed, pulling his hand from Eugene’s grip.

“Snaf?”

“I’m fine,” he uttered, “I just–” Snafu looked at Eugene, the hot, warm feeling traveling in his vein and making his black blood pumping wildly. He heard of this before; this lust feeling that some of the angels talked about. He usually ignored that kind of talk not because he had a pure mind, but he just wasn’t interested to listen to the other angels talking about their sexual awakening.

But now–

–Now he wanted to do things to Eugene Sledge; things that were probably forbidden because he was supposed to protect this boy, not corrupt him. But Jesus, _how he wanted._

“Snafu?” Eugene whispered, his heavy hand resting on Snafu’s shoulder. Eugene’s hand felt so warm that it seeped into Snafu’s thin clothes, heating up his cool skin and he was sure that he was flushed.

Snafu backed away, almost stumbling down to put a distance between him and Eugene. “I just remember that I have something important to do.”

He ran away from Eugene Sledge for the second time. He didn’t know where he was going but all he knew was that he shouldn’t, shouldn’t, _shouldn’t_ be having these impure thoughts about Eugene Sledge. This was a dangerous territory. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Caring for Eugene was one thing, falling in love with him was another. But wanting to–

_Wait._

_I’m in love with Eugene Sledge?_

Snafu stopped running, he didn’t have any need for breathing but right now he felt like he was suffocating with this newfound knowledge.

If he was being honest with himself, he had been in love with Eugene Sledge since he first laid eyes on the auburn-haired boy. It started with admiration for the fighting spirit Eugene seemed to possess.

Then admiration dissolved into something else.

Something that felt like fondness, especially after Snafu had started following Eugene around to protect him; observing the way he carried himself. He could sit still and just watch Eugene all day and he realized that he felt content by just watching him even though he didn’t know at that time what content feel like. He should have realized this, should have known about this but he was very new when it came to emotions. He didn’t know that when he was worried sick over Eugene, when he was feeling the fluttering sensation in his belly, when he always wanted to be near Eugene all the time; that was him slowly but surely falling in love with Eugene Sledge.

_Shit._

_I’m in love with Eugene._

“Told you Death could love too.”

Snafu turned around and saw Hamm standing behind him, his halo and white cloak shimmering in the sunlight and he practically flew to pin Hamm against the ground; his fingers turning into sharp talons, gripping Hamm’s neck firmly.

“Did you do this?” Snafu growled and he tightened his hold around Hamm’s neck when the Cupid just grinned.

“You and I know Cupids don’t have that kind of ability to make Angels fall in love with mortals, Snaf,” Hamm answered calmly, looking into Snafu’s blue eyes; seeing the fear in them.

Snafu leaned back, his grip around Hamm’s neck went slack as his talons turned back into normal fingers as he ran his hand into his curly hair.

“Shit.”

Hamm rolled on his stomach, watching Snafu with his big eyes. “Being in love is not that bad, you know.”

“Not bad? _NOT BAD?_ ” Snafu yelled, his eyes turning gray but Hamm just looked on calmly, not afraid of Snafu’s outburst at all.

“I screwed up, Hamm. I really screwed up by falling in love with him. I am supposed to be protecting him! BUT I SCREWED IT UP!”

Hamm flopped down to rest his head on the soft grass, squinting at the sun as Snafu paced behind him back and forth.

“What am I supposed to do now?”

“Do nothing,” Hamm answered back lazily.

Snafu kicked his halo and the dust shimmered all over the grass. “Don’t be an asshole!”

“Hey! You quit being an asshole! What’s so bad about being in love with Eugene Sledge? You clearly care about him! And he clearly loves to have you around!”

“He only likes to have me around because I protect him!”

Hamm rolled his eyes and looked at Snafu, still pacing back and forth and clearly in distress.

“Most mortals who can see us don’t really enjoy being followed, Snaf. Eugene Sledge on the other hand, he loves having you around for reasons unknown because you’re not exactly a happy camper.”

_“Fuck off.”_

Hamm grinned at Snafu’s cursing.

“Can you make it disappear?” Snafu asked, desperation coming off from him in waves.

“Nope,” Hamm answered, popping the p sound obnoxiously. “Even if I can, I won’t because you love him, Snafu. This is your own feelings for him. Why should I interfere?”

“Because it will only bring him more harm than good!”

“Stop being dramatic and sit your ass down.”

Snafu stopped pacing and plopped down next to Hamm, sighing loudly and if Hamm didn’t know any better, he’d think that Snafu would roll on the ground and wail.

“We Angels, we don’t have a beating heart, but some of you are lucky enough to fall in love, to experience what love is all about,” Hamm said quietly and Snafu glanced at him. “Even Cupids don’t know what it feels like to fall in love. We just make things happen. But you–” Hamm pointed at Snafu’s direction. “–are lucky. You get to experience it with someone you care about and I know for sure that Eugene cares about you a lot because I just saw him frantically looking for you. He’s worried about you. He doesn’t have to worry about you at all because you are more than capable of taking care of yourself, yet he worries.”

Snafu chewed the inside of his cheek, feeling guilty that Eugene skipped his Biology class to look for him.

“There’s nothing to stop that feeling, Snaf. You just have to live with it and either you choose to embrace it or ignore it. It’s up to you,” Hamm continued, his voice wistful.

Snafu tugged at his hair and groaned, hating the fact that Hamm couldn’t help him erase the feeling. But there was a voice at the back of his mind that told him that it was okay to love Eugene; that he should embrace it wholeheartedly and Snafu wanted that so, so bad.

“I am so fucked,” Snafu groaned, laying down on his back and looking up at the blue sky.

“That’s what being in love is all about, Snaf. You either fuck or get fucked.”

*

“Where the hell have you been? I was looking all over for you!”

Eugene was waiting for him in his room, pacing back and forth until the carpet was worn out from his shoes.

Snafu could only stare at Eugene, not being able to say anything; afraid that if he did then all of his feelings for Eugene Sledge would tumble out from his mouth.

“Do you know how worried I was about you?”

He stared at Eugene’s eyes; the way they darkened and clouded with worry, the way Eugene’s shoulders were tensed. Snafu felt guilty for making Eugene worry because he knew that stress wasn’t good for Eugene’s weak heart, yet he was being selfish and abandoned his duty of protecting this boy because he was scared of his own feelings.

“I’m sorry,” Snafu apologized quietly, his blue eyes locked with Eugene’s brown. “I’m sorry for making you worry, Eugene. I didn’t mean too. I just–”

Snafu rubbed his face hard and took a deep breathe.

Eugene came closer to him, hand reaching out to touch Snafu only for the Angel of Death to take a step back.

Eugene dropped his hand as Snafu looked beyond his head, trying not to notice the sad look that crossed Eugene’s face.

“I’m glad you’re home now, Snaf,” Eugene said softly, smiling.

Snafu hated that smile because it wasn’t Eugene’s sincere smile.

And fuck if that didn’t make him felt like shit.

He really felt like shit for making Eugene sad and he wanted to claw at his own chest for the sudden heavy pressure that weighed him down.

But Snafu had to stay away; he had to stop this feeling from growing even more. He kept telling himself that this was for the best, that his feelings for Eugene would just disappear one day when he didn’t try to engage with Eugene anymore; preferring to stay far away enough for him to save Eugene from any Death’s grip.

Only, Snafu had forgotten how determined Eugene could be and he didn’t give any chance for Snafu to stay away.

Eugene kept pestering him, wanting to talk to him about everything. Asking questions regarding other Angels and Heaven and Hell and even whether God existed or if He was just a myth even when Snafu was sullen and quiet choosing to ignore Eugene most of the time, he kept trying to lure Snafu to notice him.

“Why do you care so much if I didn’t talk to you?” Snafu snapped one day, when Eugene kept asking him about how he was created.

“Because I like you. Because talking to you makes me happy,” Eugene answered, unfazed by Snafu’s sudden bout of anger.

Snafu kept silence, the butterflies in his belly swooping down hard that he felt like flying.

“Besides,” Eugene continued in a quiet voice. “I’m so used to have you around that I’m afraid one day you’re not gonna be here when I wake up. That you’re gonna leave me alone without saying goodbye.”

Snafu didn’t know what propelled him to move towards Eugene; maybe it was the broken look on his face, or his words or his soft voice when he uttered the words, but Snafu was walking towards Eugene and his hand reaching out to cuff Eugene’s neck and he had blinked his eyes from the sudden warmth that seeped into his skin after he had been avoiding to touch Eugene for weeks.

“Listen, Eugene. I won’t leave you. I promise that I won’t leave you ever. I promise that I’ll take care of you,” Snafu murmured, tightening his grip around Eugene’s neck, his fingers unconsciously tugging at Eugene’s auburn hair.

“Why? Why are you so eager to protect me, Snaf?” Eugene asked, his eyes searching Snafu’s and _fuck_ , something twisted in Snafu’s belly and he didn’t want to tell Eugene about what he had been feeling but–

“Because I love you, you stubborn ass,” Snafu confessed, exasperated with Eugene and his determination for not wanting to let him go.

Eugene smiled, and Snafu loved this smile because his whole face lighted up and his brown eyes looked so soft.

“Yeah?”

Snafu groaned and pressed his forehead against Eugene’s and he felt Eugene’s arms sneaking around his shoulders.

“Yeah.”

“Well, good. Because I love you too,” Eugene murmured. “And not because you promise to protect me, but because you’ve seen the true me, know the hidden sides of me; the ugly side, the weak side, everything. And you don’t treat me like I’m fragile and you don’t treat me like I am weak–”

“You are not weak,” Snafu assured Eugene, his fingers cradling Eugene’s face. “You’re never weak to me. You’re so strong. You fight your limit to be able to do things that you want and I fall for you because of that.”

Eugene laughed and pressed his face in the crook of Snafu’s neck, hugging him tight.

“Can I kiss you?” Eugene asked, and Snafu pulled back slightly from Eugene’s arms.

“Eugene… I would really like to kiss you but I can’t.”

“Why?”

Snafu closed his eyes, feeling stupid because he shouldn’t have done this. He should have told Eugene about his true self the first time Eugene could see him.

_But he was so selfish._

“I haven’t been entirely honest with you,” Snafu started and Eugene looked at him with confusion.

“Are you gonna tell me that you’re not actually an angel?” Eugene asked, laughing at his own joke.

But Snafu didn’t laugh, he chewed on his bottom lip and contemplated on how to break it to Eugene that he was Death.

“Eugene… I am Angel of Death.”

Eugene blinked slowly, opened his mouth and then closed it; biting his lips as he blinked and blinked.

“Say something,” Snafu urged, the tension in his chest growing thicker by the seconds.

“Something,” Eugene said and he huffed out a laugh when Snafu rolled his clear blue eyes.

“Don’t be a smartass,” Snafu chided.

“Well, I’m sorry for being a smartass! I’m still too shocked and in the process of digesting the information, Snaf! Jesus!”

Snafu sighed and rubbed his forehead. He had expected Eugene to yell at him, to scream about how he felt betrayed by Snafu’s dishonesty and to tell him to go away and never return again; releasing him from his promise.

But Eugene didn’t do all those things. He just stood there studying Snafu with his curious eyes and his hand already reaching out to touch Snafu.

In the end, it was always Eugene who reached for Snafu; it was always the brave Eugene who went out of his way to find the answer to feed his curiosity.

“If you’re Death then why are you protecting me? Are you… Are you here because my time is running out?”

Snafu shook his head, grabbing Eugene’s hand in his and holding it tightly.

“You still have time to live your life, Eugene. I can assure you that. I’ve been making sure of that.”

“How? Why?”

Snafu curled his fingers around Eugene’s wrist, felt the steady heartbeat underneath the smooth skin.

“When I first came here, my job was to take you away with me because of your heart murmur,” Snafu started. “But you fought that. You fought hard to stay alive and to enjoy everything even with your limit and I couldn’t take you away because I wanted you to live your life to the fullest. So I stayed on by your side until your deathline came and went and because I didn’t take you with me, other Angels of Death tried to finish my job. But I didn’t allow them.”

Eugene’s heartbeat started to pick up and Snafu rubbed the smooth skin calmly, his belly felt hollowed and heavy.

“I’ve been following you around to protect you from the others so you could live your life and that was how we met when one of them orchestrated the accident.”

“Jesus,” Eugene whispered, his pulse throbbing irregularly and Snafu sat him down, pressing his palm on Eugene’s chest; running it up and down calmly.

“Breathe, Eugene. Inhale. Exhale,” Snafu murmured, coaching Eugene to breathe just like he had seen Edward Sledge Sr. did.

“I’m so sorry that I wasn’t honest with you and I understand that you’re scared of me now and I will go away but you need to breathe first, _dammit_ ,” Snafu choked on his fears.

Eugene shook his head, his fingers tightening on Snafu’s wrist. “Don’t,” he breathed out. “Don’t you dare leave me, Snaf. If you leave me, I will go to heaven and kick your ass.”

“I don’t live in heaven, Eugene.”

“Hell then. Even if it’s hot, I will still find you.”

“Not hell too.”

“Then where do Angels of Death live, _goddamnit!_ ”

“Language, Eugene.”

Eugene wheezed out a low laugh, pressing his forehead against Snafu’s as his breathing even out slowly.

“Why can’t I kiss you?” Eugene asked, his eyes closed tightly as he felt exhaustion wrapped around him.

“Because I am Death. I am a monster, Eugene. Everything I touch will die,” Snafu answered quietly.

“ _You are not_. You’re not a monster and you _touched_ me and I didn’t die!”

“You won’t say that once you look at my true form,” Snafu said as he pulled away from Eugene only for Eugene to tighten his hold on him.

“Don’t turn your back on me. _Show me_. I want to see everything. I want to know you.”

Snafu hesitated.

He always hesitated but Eugene was reaching out for him again and he owed this to Eugene for not pushing him away.

He pulled away completely from Eugene’s embrace, stood up almost languidly as he felt his skin shimmered and shifted; the smooth brown skin turning into chrome blue and gray, his normal clothes turning into black cloak and his fingers sharpening into talons.

Eugene watched in fascination, his mouth fell open in a fraction as he watched Snafu in his Death form. He pulled himself up, and walked slowly towards Snafu. Hands already reaching out.

“Don’t,” Snafu said, and his voice sounded deeper, his drawl more prominent.

But Eugene didn’t heed Snafu’s warning.

He reached his fingertips to touch Snafu’s face lightly and Snafu gasped when he felt those warm hand on his cool skin.

“Eugene,” Snafu whispered as Eugene continued to touch his face, glided his fingers as he moved closer until their chests were pressed tight together.

“Beautiful,” Eugene murmured, his voice in awe. “You look just like you except for the skin and your talons. But God, Snafu. You’re so beautiful. I could just kiss you–”

Snafu pulled Eugene to him, his talons resting on Eugene’s shoulders gently as he swooped in to kiss Eugene’s soft lips. Lips that had been haunting him since he started to experience emotions; lips that were now pressing against his own.

It was awkward because Snafu never thought of kissing anyone before and Eugene seemed to be content to suck on his face loudly and it was funny when they moaned in pain as their teeth clanked hard.

Then Eugene cupped Snafu’s sharp jaw, holding his face in place and Snafu titled his face to the left and it was perfect. Mouths brushing against one another shyly as they breathed each other in.

Snafu pulled back and chuckled at the quiet protest that came out from Eugene’s chest.

“Easy. Don’t want your heart to go overdrive,” Snafu teased and Eugene told him to shut up.

They stood pressing their bodies close against each other, their foreheads resting together and Eugene kept leaning in to kiss Snafu’s lips; wanting to swallow Snafu whole and kept him in his chest forever.

“I love you,” Eugene whispered and Snafu dragged his sharp talons across Eugene’s cheek, red welt appearing and disappearing, leaving long red trail on Eugene’s smooth skin.

“You love me even when I am Death?” Snafu asked, still afraid.

“You love me even in my weakest moments. I’d do the same to you any time, Snaf,” Eugene answered surely, his brown eyes flashing with determination.

Snafu knew that Eugene Sledge owned his soul and not the other way around.

"Tell me you love me now," Eugene whispered, rubbing the tip of his nose with Snafu's.

Snafu leaned in to pull Eugene close by his neck, his talons lost in Eugene’s auburn hair. With a firm tone, with his chest feeling like it had been tugged loose from a tight knot, without hesitating, Snafu murmured, “I love you now. I love you always. With all my unbeating heart. And I will always be with you and I will never leave.”

And Snafu would hold on to that promise.

He would stay with Eugene even when Burgie coax him to come back, citing that Speirs wanted his best to come home.

He would stay with Eugene and protect him from harm.

He would stay with Eugene and watch Eugene live his life. He would stay with Eugene as his companion, as his lover; learning about things that made Eugene moan quietly, that made Eugene groan loudly. Learning about things that made Eugene happy so he could do them always, things that made Eugene sad or mad so he could avoid making them.

He would stay and watch Eugene grow up to become a great man while he stayed the same, frozen in time.

He would stay as Eugene succumbed to his illness, his heart finally weakening when he turned fifty-two.

He would stay by Eugene’s side, pressing their foreheads together as Eugene was surrounded by his friends and his family.

But this moment was theirs alone, as Snafu whispered, “Would you come home with me?”

And Eugene, ever the brave Eugene, smiled his soft smile, the one that he reserved only for Snafu and nodded.

With a light brush on Eugene’s warm lips, with Eugene’s hand clasping in his, with a long drawn breath as the light in Eugene’s eyes dimmed, with darkness cloaking them thickly; Snafu took his soul away with him.

Together they ascended up above, Eugene looking eighteen again and smiling and laughing as he looked at Snafu grinning at him.

Together, they live forever.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've arrived until this very end, then congratulations!
> 
> The idea of Snafu as Death kept bugging me and the idea of Angel of Death Snafu falling in love with human Eugene Sledge intrigued me so much that I ended up writing this.
> 
> this has been beta-read by [Aria](http://liebgottshersheybar.tumblr.com/). all mistakes are mine.
> 
> and thank you for reading this! I am immensely proud of this even though I know some people might not find this enjoyable. comments and kudos are very much appreciated.


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